Almost everyone has a difficult past, it's a matter of more or less. When dealing with children, there are many points when you will face unresolved pain and emotionally loaded issues from your past.
It could be as simple as you had a nasty fall while riding a bike as a child, when your child rides a bike, you become overly anxious. Instead of discouraging your child from cycling, revisit your fall by sharing about it with someone you trust. Talk about how you felt then and now. See if you can come to a point of view that may lessen your anxiety surrounding bike riding.
What if growing up your father was seldom home, your mother was often distracted, neither were present for you when you needed an adult. How did you feel ? What did you do? Chances are when something happened to you as a child you kept it to yourself, you did not tell your parents. How might this influence the way you parent today?
No matter what it was like for you as a child, parenthood provides an opportunity to revisit the past and renegotiate your relationships with members of your first family. Talk to your parents about specific incidents that affected you as a child. If this is not possible, write a letter, talk to your siblings or someone you trust. Feel how you felt then and share what you would have liked to have happened.
For example, you were humiliated and hurt by a teacher and you kept it to yourself because your parents were not interested in what happens at school or they would tease or shout at you instead of emphathising. Tell your mother and father:
When I was in ... ... I had a teacher who said ... ... to me, one day she .... ... ...
I felt ... ... ...
I would have liked to have told you, and for you to have supported me, hugged me and told
me ... ... ...
1 comment:
Took me over 28 years to forgive,to renegotiate and to make peace with my past. Your mother was right, tak semua kita boleh dapat dalam hidup still we 'can' choose to dreams and be bold and determine enough to fulfill it! At the tender age of 13,I never fail to tell myself that no matter how painful it is, bad things eventually will turn good…it is merely a matter of how we choose to deal with it , some mask their pain,and continue fighting for the life they deserve, some choose to indulge in their sorrow and play the Blame Game.No matter how long I have to wait...Saya percaya HIKMAH itu ada…selalu ada!
Should your father not always at home, I never know mine.Still HE blessed me with wonderful uncles whom I called ayah, abah and a great stepfather ,called uncle-papa :)...should your mother easily distracted,mine is never there for me...but HE gave me my precious grandmom whom I called mak, aunties whom I called maknyah and mak...for Allah is rich!
I'm still a single, but watching, spending time ,cuddling and giggling with my nieces and nephews...it's allowed me to revisit, re-negotiating and rephrasing my past…
And guess what???
I’m still able to to say this to myself : I’m one lucky girl !!!..or should I say I’m one lucky woman???
Hey sis … continue writing on your blog ya!
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